remembering the founders

i think we should do more than cook out and drink for independence day this year. it's a special day and needs to be treated as such. therefore, i think we should honor the founding fathers by seeking to emulate their actions.
1) dress up as native americans and dump mass quantities of tea into the nearest body of water.
2) ride horses through random towns and shires screaming "the red coats are coming!" at the top of your lungs around two a.m.
3) throw rocks at any brits you might come across.
4) burn a few effigies of the british royal family.
5) in the midst of any crowd you may find yourself in today, stand upon a box or step of some sort and begin quoting patrick henry - if you cannot quote any large passages of his writings, simply lead the crowd in chanting "give me liberty or give me death! give me liberty or give me death".
6) replace your natural teeth with wooden dentures.
7) give a rising oratory about equal representation and civil liberties, then return home and beat a black man and tell him to get back to work picking that cotton and tobacco.
8) and, if you should run upon a frenchman, remember to thank him for his country's contribution in helping our country gain its independence.

happy 4th of july to all.