yeah. here it is, the photo that i spent twenty minutes trying to upload to my profile only to find out that it's over 50 kila-mega-somethings and it won't take. i did, however, manage to upload several photos from the past few years to my myspace account at http://www.myspace.com/scoupes_page. so if you like to fawn over images of me, go check it out. seriously , i know no one fawns over me but i am worshipped as a fertility god amoung the indigenous kiwi tribe of southeastern new zealand. seriously.

authors scøüpe likes

inspired by all the posts everyone else has written recently, i decided to post my own reading list of the past few years. this is not to discredit all the other authors out there, living or dead, who have created great works of literature; it is merely a list of what i've been reading recently.
1) dean koontz - twlight eyes, the face, servants of twilight, frankenstein
2) alex garland - the beach, comatose, (screenplays for 28 days later, the beach)
3) david benioff - 25th hour, when the nines roll over, (screenplays for troy, 25th hour x-men 3)
4) douglas adams - hitchhiker's trilogy, dirk gently's holistic detective agency & long, dark teatime of the soul
5) laurell k. hamilton - anita blake: vampire hunter series
6) philip rosenberg - house of lords
7) joe connelly - bringing out the dead, crumbtown
8) barb & j.c. hendree - dhampir, thief of lives, sister of the dead
9) max alan collins - road to perdition, road to purgatory, road to paradise
10) frank miller - sin city graphic novels
11) victor hugo - les misérables, hunchback of notre dame
12) j.r.r. tolkien - hobbit, lord of the rings
13) william shakespeare - merchant of venice, hamlet
14) c.s. lewis - mere christianity, screwtape letters, great divorce

inevitability - 9 june2002

falling to my death,
the rushing wind forces my head to turn.
on the horizon i see the sun emerging in the distance,
its rising mocking my fall.
i plummet closer to the earth but the sun lifts into the heavens
and floats freely across the sky.
its beauty makes me stop.
i forget my fall and impending death
and marvel at the brilliance of the sunstruck clouds,
highlights glinting in the morning light.
how long has it been since i sat on the beach
and watched her arise from the water
in peaceful serenity.
i forget my current dilemna,
my lack of control
and imposing end.
and find peace in my death,
tranquility in my own self-orchestrated demise.

i'm so going to buy this film

for my second lone movie viewing this week, i watched "v for vendetta." based on a dc comics graphic novel and set in 2020 united kingdom, this movie absolutely kills "ultraviolet," which sucked. (for a complete review of how badly it sucked, scroll down.)
"v" was better written, better acted and better cast. natalie portman plays the heroine, evey hammond, who by coincidence falls into the company of a man named only as 'v'. v, who goes around in a guy fawkes mask for the entire film, is played by hugo weaving (aka, elron from "lotr," and agent smith from "the matrix"). he is reviving guy fawkes day - a november 5th holiday commemorating fawkes attempt to blow up the british parliament in the 1600's. fawkes was betrayed by his cohorts and subsequently thwarted, arrested and hanged. v decides that the only way to ignite change in the big brother-esque u.k. of the future is to succeed where fawkes failed approximately four hundred years earlier.
the movie gains reality points by showing opposing views to the violence and evey, herself, fluctuates between calling him vengeful, monstrous and completely insane. eventually, she begins to understand his views whether she agrees with him or not.
v seeks only to spark a catalyst for change, knowing that he alone cannot overthrow a government. he endeavors to inspire others with both the hope and the courage to decide their fate for themselves.
the film showcases a decent amount of violence and a few gallons of blood arcing through the air. v is more the antiheroic protaganist contrasted against the morality and conscience portrayed in evey. he is fueled by his belief of what is right but also by pure unadulterated vengeance. he kills, he soliloquies, he overuses alliteration. he beliefs violence may not solve the problems of his country but it can bring them to the surface where they must be met and dealt with.
beware, you may disagree with this film. but it is worth watching on many levels: as an action flick, as a political statement and as a morality check.
it gets scøüpe's seal of approval and reccomendation as a must-see. just try not to judge it before you actually give it a chance.

tribute to a friend

my manager and i sat at the bar drinking captain and cokes and shooting jagermiester (sp?) until 1:30 am after work thursday night. we talked about everything possible from romantic relationships to music, from lost mother/son relationships to childhood memories, from middle-child syndrome to restaurant management. we finished work at about 11:30 and simply talked for the rest of the time. it's good to have someone who can listen to your problems without prejudice and give you the advice of a few extra years of experience. and it seems that one of my main relationship dilemnas is probably a non-issue now anyway,
hoorah for letting things work themselves out on their own.

save your money

i had the night off and my original plans fell through so i ended up not going out to dinner with an old friend but instead taking a long walk through a cemetery alone. i don't say this to illicit sympathy; i actually enjoy exploring cemeteries alone or with company. though not as architecturally stunning as those in savannah, new york or new orleans, the one on jesse jewell parkway is interesting none-the-less. most georgia cemeteries i've been to are small sets of land beside a small church, normally in farther-north, north georgia. i found a group of mcdonalds (possible distant relatives?) and a group of prices (possibly related to g-pa h.c.? his family is from georgia, isn't it?).
anyway, then i went to see a movie by myself - also something i've known to do without remorse. unfortunately, the movie i desired, "v for vendetta" started about thirty minutes before i got to the théâtre. i opted for what i knew would be bad but i wanted to see anyway - "ultra-violet". with it's comic book beginnings and vague vampire references i had to see what the story was about even though i knew it would be a series of high-tech special effects and fancy costumes with poor dialogue and a weak storyline. and it stars milla jovavich, whose work i adore. (she's got those eyes, man.)
"bad" doesn't even begin to describe the series of dis-jointed, unmotivated fight scenes strewn together under the guise of an action flick. even jovavich couldn't save this picture. nothing was explained in any way. as such, the viewer is unable to process the movie through the filter of a separate world or universe in which this sort of thing is possible. the object of the film, the character's very conflict is unclear even at it's conclusion. the fight scenes were pathetic - a high school théâtre group could have contrived better choreography. outfits and coiffes randomly change color for no reason. advanced weaponry and technology is thrown about without regard to reality or at least a basic principle on which it is based. the protaganist's actions are ill-defined and out of the slight fraction of character revealed. and the love interest backstory appears out of nowhere and goes nowhere - the idea of emotion has barely registered in the viewer before it is replaced by violence and never heard from again.
in short, don't waste your money.
but do check out your local cemeteries. read the messages left about loved ones and check out the dates of the deceased. i saw one married couple separated by 25 years. the wife's head stone was crafted at the same time as her husband's but the death date was never filled in. it just has 19__ as the year. but by her birthdate, if she's still alive she'd be 165 years old. i wonder why hers was never finished or if she chose not to be buried by her husband. one may never know.

ideas for outings

**jerry seinfeld is going to be at the Fox again (i saw him a few years ago - totally worth it) on april 15 @ 7pm.
**"rent" is coming to the Fox june 2-4. the apex of bohemian art (except, of course, "la bohème" on which "rent" is based....)
**"bodies...the exhibition" is currently showing at the atlanta civic center. real once-living human bodies preserved and turned into art.

all of these i want to see, so if anyone is interested, let me know. there seriously is a lot of art in this area that i constantly miss out on and i'm trying to change that.

the celtic cross

the cross of st patrick was actually a tool he designed himself to witness to the tribes of ireland. the pagan tribes worshipped what they knew, which was nature. their most prominent religious symbol was a circle - in honor of the sun which gave life to all. rather than try to eradicate their ancestral religion, patrick decided to superimpose the christian cross over the pagan symbol for the sun. thus, he caught their attention rather than their disdain when approaching new tribes. he taught them not to worship the sun but he who created the sun. even in his conversion of an entire island, he understood the importance of respect and tolerance for the beliefs of others. this way he was able to incorporate christianity into their minds and hearts as the next step of understanding God rather than trying to erase all they knew and start from scratch.

top ten little-known foreign films

in no particular order and excluding the popular ones:
1)malina
2)brotherhood of the wolf
3)amélie
4)midaq alley
5)the dreamers
6)chocolat
7)the swimming pool
8)romper-stomper
9)the last great wilderness
10)trainspotting

five rolls of yesterday

so, i picked up five rolls of film from the camera shop today. in those five rolls are my sister's wedding, a trip to the zoo, teresa's last birthday party, our last trip together to savannah and random slices of the life she and i once had together.
it's been about six months and i still think about her everyday. i don't have enough experience in these matters to know if that will one day stop. i don't know if i want it to. i still think about two other females virtually everyday. not in a bad way. not out of depression or hurt or loneliness. i don't very often miss anyone. ever. these are the only three people i actually miss; maybe i will miss them forever.and maybe one day, teresa and i will talk again. maybe.
(at least, i'll actually get something scanned and onto my profile soon.)

this is just to say...

today is one of the best days i've had in a really long time. that's all.

'losing my religion' - the view of scøüpe

as a child, it is easy to believe. in truth, you want to believe and you have no real reason not to do so. of course, children have troubles and hardships and every child has his personal things which he must endure. but as a child, one doesn't question his beliefs at these trials so much as he clings to them. a death of someone close causes him to believe more in heaven because he's been taught that it exists and, as of yet, has no reason to question this theory. he wants to believe something good has happened.
as the child grows older, however, he experiences more and more hardships and calamities; he becomes more aware of the world around him. more aware of his own small world and the entirety of mankind. war and cops-and-robbers are no longer games but a cruel reality. cowboys-and-indians is no longer a backyard gunfight but the reality of the effect manifest destiny had the original inhabitants of two entire continents.
the child-like innocence of ignorance is gone, replaced by the true horrors of everyday life. the teenage years become a time of rebellion to authority and doing things in one's own way. breaking the lawbrings a thrill and rush of personal power. this same rebellion flows into the teenager's beliefs. things he was once forbidden now seem appealing and without danger. curiosity eats at him and he demands to know why these things are kept from him. he questions the very morals on which he was raised as he begins to realise that other have different and even contrary standards. this new knowledgedrives him to ponder his beliefs in whole and wonderif he has merely been duped by another childhood belief. the deity and doctrines which he was raised to follow and believe in - even shape his life around - begin to have the appearance of santa claus, the tooth fairy and the easter bunny. allwere ploys to keep children behaving as their parents wished.
thus, the child's rebellion slowly increases while he waits for something to prove him wrong, for his conscience to stand up and announce where the boundaries lie. he finds new pleasures and philosophies and wonders why his old morals were against something that feels so good and brings such pleasure and enlightenment to life.
he will still remember his old beliefs and will seek truth at some point, often returning to the institution which taught him these beliefs. this may be family, church, synagogue, temple or even school. but as he returns to re-evaluate his beliefs and his desires, he sees what he could not as a child.
hypocrisy is prevalent. the ideas taught as doctrine have no sacred writings to support them but are merely the opinions of those in control. priests molest young boys; pastors embezzle money or have affairs with other women; religious leaders have bastard children; national leaders have sexual scandals; sports players are tried and sometimes sent to prison; politicians accept bribes and focus on their opponents' mistakes rather than the issues. each and every leader, idol icon or hero for a child or teenager to look to as a mentor or influence in life is a fake, criminal or hypocrite. the teenager wants to be like none of these and therefore seeks to forge his own path, hoping he will not become that into which those before him have turned.
and in the end, we have the generations of the judges wherein "each man did as was right in his own eyes". unable to trust another's view of life, this child-turned-teenager-turned-adult lives according to his own conscience,following his own thoughts and opinion, using only his instinct and gut feeling as a guide through life in search of that which is true. will he become a healthy adult? that is still to be seen.
but this we know, no religion began with a book or bible of koran or any other sacred writings or teachings. each has begun in the heart of man. if truth were able to speak once to man's heart and show him the right way - however flawed that way and its followers may have become - she can do so again in the hearts and lives of individuals and in the heart of an entire people.
do not fear when a man wanders and seeks for what is right on his own for truth is not hiding; she longs to be found by all. any who truly seek truth shall find her and by this she will soread to all men.
these generations are not lost but have lost their faith. disillusionment is the best thing which could happen to a man with displaced faith. only when the illusions are removed and the façades seen through can a man truly begin to seek that which is true.

'faith is...' -- the view of scøüpe

"now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" (hebrews 11:1). belief is not faith. faith is that for which one chooses to hope. belief is that which one cannot deny. a man cannot choose to believe anything. either he believes it or not; either it is true to him or not - there is no choice involved.
i believe in gravity - not because i think it is a good idea to do so, nor because i wish it to be true. want and desire have no bearing on true belief. all that i have known and seen since birth support the idea of gravity and therefore i cannot consciously deny it. to all of my senses and through all of my experiences and by all of the knowledge i have gained in life it is true. therefore, i can do naught save to believe it to be so.
the same holds true for all my beliefs, though not all have been held since childhood. but did i not believe in gravity before i knew it as such? did i not learn as an infant that when i drop my rattle it will fall to the floor? did this phenomenon need a name or pedantic support which i could reference to strengthen my belief? no. but did that change the force of gravity or cause it to be any less true?
i believe in gravity because i cannot deny it. regardless of my faith or understanding thereof, it is. by this same design, i believe in God. because despite my lack of knowledge or faith (moreover, despite what knowledge i may have to the contrary), i cannot deny it. i believe because i am unable to not belief.

i tried but...

i tried to post a photo that dad had emailed me. it was from 1999 but i thought it would work until i got something more recent. after a few tries to get it on my profile, i gave up. what the hell am i doing wrong with this thing? it cannot be as hard as i'm making it.
so if anyone is really desperate to see photos of me (or at least just slightly inclined, that will work, too) she (or he?) should tell me how because i think i missed that day of class.